Tuesday, April 14, 2009

"Can I quote you on that?"

Some amusing movie quotes I found in an old notebook that I felt it was time to get rid of:

"Manny, it's not over until we get the broad"
—The Mayor (David O'Hara), WAR CAT (1988)

"I have this gun. Sometimes I think about using it. I have to go now."
—Kathy Bates, MISERY (1990)

"They're just more pellets in the gas chamber to me."
Ernie ( ), referring to his juvenile delinquent hostages, in NAKED YOUTH (1961)

"Let's aim for the knees next time"
—Charlie Sheen, THE ROOKIE (1990)

"I was aiming for the knees."
—Lara Flynn Boyle, THE ROOKIE (1990)

"I told you to fasten your seatbelt"
—Clint Eastwood to Charlie Sheen, after the pair crash a Cadillac Allante from one exploding building through the roof of another, in THE ROOKIE (1990)

"What's all this, then?"
—John Cleese, SILVERADO (1985)

"Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat."
—John Cleese, SILVERADO (1985)

"We'll be back!"
—Kevin Costner, SILVERADO (1985)

"Hey, are you guys OK? You're not dead or anything?"

"Got a light?"
—Clint Eastwood, after a massive truck and car calamity crushes his cigar, in THE ROOKIE (1990)

"The only man in the wasteland, and I broke him. There's nothing more useless than a man who doesn't work."
—Kathleen Kinmont (as Phoenix), PHOENIX THE WARRIOR (1987)

"He didn't get out of the cock-a-doody car!"
—Kathy Bates, MISERY (1990)

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm hungry."
—A surgeon, after sawing open a villain's skull and removing the brain, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"Go fuck a refrigerator, peckerneck."
—A 10-year-old in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"He's fucked up."
—A little league baseball player, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"I'm having . . . trouble."
—Robocop, explaining why he's reading rights to a corpse, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"It'll take some getting use to . . . but it'll be great."
—Galyn Gorg, fondling Robocop 2, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"You mouth off like that again, and it's no more Nuke for you, bitch."
—Gabriel Damon, 10-year old drug dealer, keeping his chick in line, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"There's nothing like cold water when you're hot."
—Ginger (Val Kline), BEACH GIRLS (1982)

"What's a hussy?"
—Ducky (Jeana Tomasina), in response to being called one, in BEACH GIRLS (1982)

"They're tobacco-chewin', gut-chompin' cannibal kinfolk from hell."
—Video box copy for REDNECK ZOMBIES (1988)

"I think we've gotta set a few ground rules. Firstly, you've got to stop killing people."
—Tim Conlon, PROM NIGHT III (1990)

"I'm itchy to get my hands on some serious weapons."
—Darla (Liz Cayton), wearing a spacegirl G-string in SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY (1987)

"What to they want a picture of. We haven't got any dead bodies yet."
—Allan Murdock (Charlton Heston), lamenting media interference, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Sometimes the public's right to know gives me a huge pain in the ass."
—Joe Petroni (George Kennedy), lamenting media interference, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"There's nobody left to fly the plane. Help us!"
—Nancy the Stewardess (Karen Black), lamenting the lack of people left to fly the plane, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Ladies and gentleman. Thank you for flying Columbia Airlines."
—Allan Murdock (Charlton Heston), after landing the plane, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Listen, I'm trying to make an ascent here. Why don't you go pester Dr. McCoy for a while."
—Captain Kirk (William Shatner) to Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy), in STAR TREK V (1990)

"If you want me, me and my ass are in the neighborhood."
—Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell), responding to a prison proposition, in TANGO & CASH (1989)

"You've made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore."
—Johnny Depp, thanking Iggy Pop for the motorcycle, in CRY-BABY (1990)

"If I'm not me, then who the hell am I?"
—Arnold Schwarzenegger, TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"Consider that a divorce."
—Arnold Schwarzenegger, after blasting wife Sharon Stone in the head, in TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"Thank you for not smoking."
—Robocop, helping a guy quit in six easy gunshots, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"Anybody else want a limp?"
—Eddie Murphy, after shooting a redneck in the knee, in ANOTHER 48 HRS (1990)

"Listen, Dick Tracy, that think tried to kill us!"
—Eddie Newton (Wink Roberts) in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"I'm for a raid alright. Let's make it on panties."
—A jock in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"C'mon, take your shirt off."
—Eddie Newton (Wink Roberts) to Ron McGuire (Roger Manning), two seconds before they jump into a pond wearing their pants, socks and shoes, in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"No, don't, it could be Rudy's"
—Zara Kerova, stopping Larraine De Selle from eating a possibly-human spleen, in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"They tied him to a stake, they castrated him and they . . . they . . . ate his genitals!"
—Mike Logan (Bryan Redford) in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"We may even go under before we get up to the bottom to get ourselves out."
—Gene Hackman, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972)

"I don't know, Charlie, he bit his lip or somethin'."
—Nick Conklin (Michael Douglas), after elbowing a villain in the face, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"I usually like to get kissed before I get fucked."
—Michael Douglas, critiquing Japanese law enforcement techniques, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"Foreplay. He said he likes a little foreplay."
—Andy Garcia, translating for Michael Douglas, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed at the same time."
—Future victim in PIECES (1983)

"What if you gag me? I wouldn't make any noise then."
—Another future victim, PIECES (1983)

"Nobody likes a goody-goody."
—Kevin Dornwinkle (Noel Peters), about to kill a goody-goody, in THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990).

"Damn. No more serum."
—The Invisible Maniac (Noel Peters) in THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990)

"This country's goin' to the dogs. Used to be, when you bought a politician, the son of a bitch stayed bought."
—Roy L. Fuchs (Jack Warden), in USED CARS (1980)

"It can only be regarded as a hair loom."
—M's widow, observer her dead husband's toupee, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"Guess you found the fuckin' off switch, eh?"
—Gregory Hines, EVE OF DESTRUCTION (1991)

"Please don't say that. I'm very sensitive."
—Eve VIII (Renee Soutendijk), about to bite a man's penis off for calling her a bitch, in EVE OF DESTRUCTION (1991)

"If you weren't my daddy, I think I could fancy you."
—Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), to her father James, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"That's the first john I've ever gone 'round with."
—Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), on the revolving toilet, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"It was my mother's. She was buried in it."
—Flexi Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins), FLESH GORDON (1974)

"Oh, Flesh, there's no place like home!"
—Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields), FLESH GORDON (1974)

"I even pissed in the punchbowl!"

"Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him."
—Michel Lonsdale, MOONRAKER (1979)

"You get off on ecology? Eh? Twat?"
—Giovanni Radice as Mike Logan in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"Life lesson number one: never believe anything you read in the newspapers. Life lesson number two: never threaten the Invisible Maniac.
—Noel Peters as the Invisible Maniac, THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990)

"You and that other dummy better start gettin' personally involved in your work or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"I don't wanna get another phone call like this, 'cause if I do, I'm gonna get on a fuckin' plane and blowtorch the both of you."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"Don't say a fuckin' word to me. I'll get up and bury this phone in your head."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"Anal retentive. It's got a nice ring to it, but I like 'fuckin' putz' better.
—Gene Hackman, LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"They're fucking with the wrong Jew this time!"
—Dom Deluise as Harry The Hippo in LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"I'd rather set my head on fire and have it put out with a sledge hammer."
—Nancy Parsons, LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brushfire.
—Cowpoke, YOUNG GUNS 2 (1990)

"How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"
—Bruce WIllis, DIE HARD 2 (1991)

"Who gives a shit what you think? In 30 seconds you'll be dead and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes."
—Ronny Cox, TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"You got me hotter than Georgia asphalt."
—Laura Dern as Lula in WILD AT HEART (1990)

"Find me a dead cat."
—Sean Connery, THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY (1978)

"So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water tentacle."
—Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as Lindsay Brigman in THE ABYSS (1989)

"It went straight for the warhead and they think it's cute."
—Michael Biehn as Lt. Coffee in THE ABYSS (1989)

"Hey, who died and made you Darth Vader."
—Cheech Marin, SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE (1991)

"I don't know about you, but next time I'm taking the bus."
—Jill Clayburgh, SILVER STREAK (1976)

"It ain't gonna be exciting, but we'll get you there on time."
—Scatman Crothers, SILVER STREAK (1976)

"All the have to play is eight bars of 'Melancholy Baby' and I turn to custard."
—Marilyn Monroe, SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

"I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl!"
—Jack Lemmon, SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

"Tyrell really did a job on Rachel. Right down to the mother she never had."
—Harrison Ford voiceover, BLADE RUNNER (1982)

"Don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars."

"I had another dream about you last night, mom. I dreamt that a pack of mad dogs was chewing off your face but you still managed to tell me to clean my room."
—A loony in DISTURBED (1991)

"I know a missing body is a bit of a glitch, but we'll work that out."
—Geoffrey Lewis as MIchael in DISTURBED (1991)

"OK, but a way to cut a budget it to cut it."

"The first rule is: never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are."
—Kris Kristofferson, MILLENNIUM (1989)

"They're coming to get you Barbara."

"You guys think you're above the law. You're not above mine."
—Steven Seagal as Nico in ABOVE THE LAW (1987)

"There are several things in this world that you never mess with. One is another man's fries."
—Keith David, MEN AT WORK (1990)

"She's been around more in 20 years than the moon in its millions."

"Get than helmet off. We're talkin' to God."
—James Gammon, THE POM POM GIRLS (1976)

"This isn't the state of California. It's a state of madness."
—Robert Stack as Gen. Stilwell in 1941 (1979)

"That's my corn out there. You guys are guests in my corn."
—Kevin Costner, FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)

"One of them thought he was invincible. The other thought he could fly. They were both wrong."
—Steven Seagal, MARKED FOR DEATH (1990)

"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
—Lance Henriksen as Bishop in ALIENS (1986)

"As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gangster."
—Ray Liotta as Henry Hill in GOODFELLAS (1990)

"My mother just quietly and deliberately killed a man and ate him. That kinda blows all the old rules to hell, don'tcha think?
—Mark Thomas Miller, MOM (1991)

"Call her mad. Call her a monster. Just make sure you call her once a week"
—Video box copy for MOM (1991)

"Now that I see you in the light, you're plenty old enough to be Roy's mother."
—Annette Bening, THE GRIFTERS (1990)

"Ripley, if we ain't out of here in ten minutes, we won't need no rocket to ride through space."
—Yaphet Kotto, ALIEN (1986)

"Haven't I told you about death? It's nature's way of saying you're in the wrong job."
—Richard Harris, JUGGERNAUT (1974)

"You're terminated, fucker."
—Linda Hamilton, THE TERMINATOR (1984)

"It's like my English. Something gets lost in the translation."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY (1980)

"Who do you think I am, Dirty Harry?"
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, RAW DEAL (1986)

"Grant me one request . . . revenge. And if you do not listen, to hell with you."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, CONAN (1982)

"I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE TERMINATOR (1984)

"I'll be back, Bennett."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, COMMANDO (1985)

"I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE RUNNING MAN (1987)

"If you're lying to me, I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, TWINS (1988)

"Wait here. I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, TERMINATOR 2 (1991)

"You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, COMMANDO (1985)

"OK people, relax. Loosen your sphincters. We don't need any rush hour Rambos here."
—Bill Paxton, PREDATOR 2 (1990)

"This is how I spent Christmas last year."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"It's OK, I've done this before."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"It's an old Sicilian message. It means Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes."

"I'm sorry, mistress, that you were not able to properly confess, but there just wasn't enough time to torture you."
—Jeffrey Combs as The Scribe in THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM (1991)

"There's gotta be a hundred reasons why I don't blow you away, but right now, I can't think of one."
—Clint Eastwood, THE ROOKIE (1991)

"Sometimes I feel like you're the child and I'm the grownup. I can't ever imagine being inside you. I can't imagine being anywhere you'd let me hang around for nine months."
—Wynona Ryder, MERMAIDS (1991)

"I wish I had trouble conceiving. I could get pregnant by hanging my clothes next to a man's suit."
—Cher, MERMAIDS (1991)

"This whole drug thing. It's not a black thing. It's not a white thing. It doesn't give a shit about color."
—Judd Nelson, NEW JACK CITY (1991)

"If hate were people, I'd be China."
Daniel Stern, CITY SLICKERS (1991)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

'Don't cry. Tears will cause thy wheels to rust."
—Marshall Goodman, ROLLERBLADE (1986)

"That's it! Candel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings. And call off Christmas!"

"This is Sara Waters, 409 Treemont. Come quickly. I've just killed an intruder."
—Julia Roberts, SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY (1991)

"You're not too smart are you. I like that in a man."
—Kathleen Turner, BODY HEAT (1981)

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."
—Kathleen Turner, WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988)

"The good news is, your dates are here. The bad news is, they're dead."
—Tom Atkins, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (1986)

"If you expect me to arrest you for murdering a man in your dream, well, the arrest'll have to happen in the dream too, because I'm off duty when I'm dreamin'. "
—Paul Kelly, FEAR IN THE NIGHT (1947)

"Get away from her, you BITCH!"
—SIgourney Weaver, ALIENS (1986)

"Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat."
—Roddy Piper, THEY LIVE (1988)

"I used to be an alcoholic, but now I just drink like an Irish person."
—Shirley Maclaine, POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE (1990)

"In this town, I'm the leper with the most fingers."
—Jack Nicholson, THE TWO JAKES (1990)

"That was more fun than eating cotton candy barefoot."
—Virginia Madsen, THE HOT SPOT (1990)

"Just the fax, ma'am."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"I try not to get involved with women when the World Series is about to start, but for you I'll make an exception."
—Bob Hoskins, MERMAIDS (1991)

"I hate men. They're such jerks. They're so dumb. But I gotta find me one fast."
—Barbara Hershey, TUNE IN TOMORROW (1990)

"Listen, I appreciate this whole seduction scene you got going, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure bet."
—Julia Roberts, PRETTY WOMAN (1990)

"If every man had his way, every woman would lie down a prostitute and wake up a virgin."
—Angelica Huston, ENEMIES, A LOVE STORY (1990)

"How do you thank a gorilla for saving your life?"
—Tony Eisley, THE MIGHTY GORGA (1969)

"I'll do anything if it'll help me get rid of this face."
—A model, in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE (1960)

"You want to conduct peace negotiations with bugs?"
—Army staffer, in THE BEES (1978)

"You have to listen to what the bees have to say!"
—Angel Tompkins, THE BEES (1978)

"I'm going to be the first officer in U.S. history to get my butt kicked by a mess of bugs!"
—Richard Widmark, THE SWARM (1978)

"Because jobs for lady bacteriologists are not easy to find."
—Pamela Franklin, FOOD OF THE GODS (1976)

"You're too smart for me, baby. I like 'em stupid."

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots, or only five. I've kinda lost track myself. But being that this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful gun in the world, and would blow you're head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?"
—Clint Eastwood, DIRTY HARRY (1971)

"I am sick and tired of you little mama's boys coming in here every time you have an abrasion of a hand growing outta your back, or whatever."
—James Caan, THE DARK BACKWARD (1991)

"You got a cleanup on aisle four."
—Brian Bosworth, STONE COLD (1991)

"It's Linda Blairsville!"

"Imagine the future chains. 'Cause you're not in it."
—Brian Bosworth, STONE COLD (1991)

"You know at a moment like this I think of my father's last words, which were 'don't son, that gun is loaded!'"
—Lance Henriksen, STONE COLD (1991)

"Why do I wanna talk to some bloodsucking lawyer. He tied his sister buck naked to a lawnmower and sold tickets to watch him mow the lawn."
—William Petersen, HARD PROMISES (1991)

"I bet his ass was shakin' like a dog shittin' peach pits."
—Minor Mustain, SNAKEEATER III (1991)

"People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you."
—Police chief to Clint Eastwood, SUDDEN IMPACT (1983)

"Hurting people's not a good thing. Well, sometimes it is, but not when it's a bunch of people looking for something to eat."
—Sylvester Stallone, DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

"You're part of this. Whatever THIS is. You're part of it."

"Oooh, I do like a bit of gorgonzola!"

"Funny, the world is so different in the daylight. But in the dark your fantasies get so out of hand. In the daylight, everything falls back into place again. Let's have no more nights."
—Candace Hilligoss, CARNIVAL OF SOULS

"I can't be left alone."
—Candace Hilligoss, CARNIVAL OF SOULS

"You happy now? No more anchovies."
—Terri Treas, after fighting a killer pizza, in HOUSE IV

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."
—Harvey Keitel as Mr. White, RESERVOIR DOGS (1991)

"It's not the Russians. It's Rumblerama!"
—John Goodman, MATINEE (1993)

"I dont get this. It's just a big big. Guns? Cannons? Rockets? It's just a bug!"
—The Scientist in MANT, from MATINEE (1993)

"I'm gonna rip their guts so far outta their bodies they're gonna need a passport to take a shit."
—Vincent Pastore as Tony Scarboni, THE JERKY BOYS (1995)

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