"Can I quote you on that?"

Some amusing movie quotes I found in an old notebook that I felt it was time to get rid of:

"Manny, it's not over until we get the broad"
—The Mayor (David O'Hara), WAR CAT (1988)

"I have this gun. Sometimes I think about using it. I have to go now."
—Kathy Bates, MISERY (1990)

"They're just more pellets in the gas chamber to me."
Ernie ( ), referring to his juvenile delinquent hostages, in NAKED YOUTH (1961)

"Let's aim for the knees next time"
—Charlie Sheen, THE ROOKIE (1990)

"I was aiming for the knees."
—Lara Flynn Boyle, THE ROOKIE (1990)

"I told you to fasten your seatbelt"
—Clint Eastwood to Charlie Sheen, after the pair crash a Cadillac Allante from one exploding building through the roof of another, in THE ROOKIE (1990)

"What's all this, then?"
—John Cleese, SILVERADO (1985)

"Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat."
—John Cleese, SILVERADO (1985)

"We'll be back!"
—Kevin Costner, SILVERADO (1985)

"Hey, are you guys OK? You're not dead or anything?"
—Brent Huff, THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF YIK YAK (1984)

"Got a light?"
—Clint Eastwood, after a massive truck and car calamity crushes his cigar, in THE ROOKIE (1990)

"The only man in the wasteland, and I broke him. There's nothing more useless than a man who doesn't work."
—Kathleen Kinmont (as Phoenix), PHOENIX THE WARRIOR (1987)

"He didn't get out of the cock-a-doody car!"
—Kathy Bates, MISERY (1990)

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm hungry."
—A surgeon, after sawing open a villain's skull and removing the brain, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"Go fuck a refrigerator, peckerneck."
—A 10-year-old in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"He's fucked up."
—A little league baseball player, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"I'm having . . . trouble."
—Robocop, explaining why he's reading rights to a corpse, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"It'll take some getting use to . . . but it'll be great."
—Galyn Gorg, fondling Robocop 2, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"You mouth off like that again, and it's no more Nuke for you, bitch."
—Gabriel Damon, 10-year old drug dealer, keeping his chick in line, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"There's nothing like cold water when you're hot."
—Ginger (Val Kline), BEACH GIRLS (1982)

"What's a hussy?"
—Ducky (Jeana Tomasina), in response to being called one, in BEACH GIRLS (1982)

"They're tobacco-chewin', gut-chompin' cannibal kinfolk from hell."
—Video box copy for REDNECK ZOMBIES (1988)

"I think we've gotta set a few ground rules. Firstly, you've got to stop killing people."
—Tim Conlon, PROM NIGHT III (1990)

"I'm itchy to get my hands on some serious weapons."
—Darla (Liz Cayton), wearing a spacegirl G-string in SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY (1987)

"What to they want a picture of. We haven't got any dead bodies yet."
—Allan Murdock (Charlton Heston), lamenting media interference, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Sometimes the public's right to know gives me a huge pain in the ass."
—Joe Petroni (George Kennedy), lamenting media interference, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"There's nobody left to fly the plane. Help us!"
—Nancy the Stewardess (Karen Black), lamenting the lack of people left to fly the plane, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Ladies and gentleman. Thank you for flying Columbia Airlines."
—Allan Murdock (Charlton Heston), after landing the plane, in AIRPORT '75 (1975)

"Listen, I'm trying to make an ascent here. Why don't you go pester Dr. McCoy for a while."
—Captain Kirk (William Shatner) to Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy), in STAR TREK V (1990)

"If you want me, me and my ass are in the neighborhood."
—Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell), responding to a prison proposition, in TANGO & CASH (1989)

"You've made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore."
—Johnny Depp, thanking Iggy Pop for the motorcycle, in CRY-BABY (1990)

"If I'm not me, then who the hell am I?"
—Arnold Schwarzenegger, TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"Consider that a divorce."
—Arnold Schwarzenegger, after blasting wife Sharon Stone in the head, in TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"Thank you for not smoking."
—Robocop, helping a guy quit in six easy gunshots, in ROBOCOP 2 (1990)

"Anybody else want a limp?"
—Eddie Murphy, after shooting a redneck in the knee, in ANOTHER 48 HRS (1990)

"Listen, Dick Tracy, that think tried to kill us!"
—Eddie Newton (Wink Roberts) in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"I'm for a raid alright. Let's make it on panties."
—A jock in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"C'mon, take your shirt off."
—Eddie Newton (Wink Roberts) to Ron McGuire (Roger Manning), two seconds before they jump into a pond wearing their pants, socks and shoes, in THE DAY IT CAME TO EARTH (1977)

"No, don't, it could be Rudy's"
—Zara Kerova, stopping Larraine De Selle from eating a possibly-human spleen, in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"They tied him to a stake, they castrated him and they . . . they . . . ate his genitals!"
—Mike Logan (Bryan Redford) in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"We may even go under before we get up to the bottom to get ourselves out."
—Gene Hackman, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972)

"I don't know, Charlie, he bit his lip or somethin'."
—Nick Conklin (Michael Douglas), after elbowing a villain in the face, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"I usually like to get kissed before I get fucked."
—Michael Douglas, critiquing Japanese law enforcement techniques, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"Foreplay. He said he likes a little foreplay."
—Andy Garcia, translating for Michael Douglas, in BLACK RAIN (1989)

"The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed at the same time."
—Future victim in PIECES (1983)

"What if you gag me? I wouldn't make any noise then."
—Another future victim, PIECES (1983)

"Nobody likes a goody-goody."
—Kevin Dornwinkle (Noel Peters), about to kill a goody-goody, in THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990).

"Damn. No more serum."
—The Invisible Maniac (Noel Peters) in THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990)

"This country's goin' to the dogs. Used to be, when you bought a politician, the son of a bitch stayed bought."
—Roy L. Fuchs (Jack Warden), in USED CARS (1980)

"It can only be regarded as a hair loom."
—M's widow, observer her dead husband's toupee, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"Guess you found the fuckin' off switch, eh?"
—Gregory Hines, EVE OF DESTRUCTION (1991)

"Please don't say that. I'm very sensitive."
—Eve VIII (Renee Soutendijk), about to bite a man's penis off for calling her a bitch, in EVE OF DESTRUCTION (1991)

"If you weren't my daddy, I think I could fancy you."
—Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), to her father James, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"That's the first john I've ever gone 'round with."
—Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), on the revolving toilet, in CASINO ROYALE (1967)

"It was my mother's. She was buried in it."
—Flexi Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins), FLESH GORDON (1974)

"Oh, Flesh, there's no place like home!"
—Dale Ardor (Suzanne Fields), FLESH GORDON (1974)

"I even pissed in the punchbowl!"
—Wayne Newton, THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE (1990)

"Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him."
—Michel Lonsdale, MOONRAKER (1979)

"You get off on ecology? Eh? Twat?"
—Giovanni Radice as Mike Logan in MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (1980)

"Life lesson number one: never believe anything you read in the newspapers. Life lesson number two: never threaten the Invisible Maniac.
—Noel Peters as the Invisible Maniac, THE INVISIBLE MANIAC (1990)

"You and that other dummy better start gettin' personally involved in your work or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"I don't wanna get another phone call like this, 'cause if I do, I'm gonna get on a fuckin' plane and blowtorch the both of you."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"Don't say a fuckin' word to me. I'll get up and bury this phone in your head."
—Dennis Farina, MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

"Anal retentive. It's got a nice ring to it, but I like 'fuckin' putz' better.
—Gene Hackman, LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"They're fucking with the wrong Jew this time!"
—Dom Deluise as Harry The Hippo in LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"I'd rather set my head on fire and have it put out with a sledge hammer."
—Nancy Parsons, LOOSE CANNONS (1989)

"I'd rather drink turpentine and piss on a brushfire.
—Cowpoke, YOUNG GUNS 2 (1990)

"How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?"
—Bruce WIllis, DIE HARD 2 (1991)

"Who gives a shit what you think? In 30 seconds you'll be dead and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes."
—Ronny Cox, TOTAL RECALL (1990)

"You got me hotter than Georgia asphalt."
—Laura Dern as Lula in WILD AT HEART (1990)

"Find me a dead cat."
—Sean Connery, THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY (1978)

"So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water tentacle."
—Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as Lindsay Brigman in THE ABYSS (1989)

"It went straight for the warhead and they think it's cute."
—Michael Biehn as Lt. Coffee in THE ABYSS (1989)

"Hey, who died and made you Darth Vader."
—Cheech Marin, SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE (1991)

"I don't know about you, but next time I'm taking the bus."
—Jill Clayburgh, SILVER STREAK (1976)

"It ain't gonna be exciting, but we'll get you there on time."
—Scatman Crothers, SILVER STREAK (1976)

"All the have to play is eight bars of 'Melancholy Baby' and I turn to custard."
—Marilyn Monroe, SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

"I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl!"
—Jack Lemmon, SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

"Tyrell really did a job on Rachel. Right down to the mother she never had."
—Harrison Ford voiceover, BLADE RUNNER (1982)

"Don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars."
—NOW VOYAGER (1942)

"I had another dream about you last night, mom. I dreamt that a pack of mad dogs was chewing off your face but you still managed to tell me to clean my room."
—A loony in DISTURBED (1991)

"I know a missing body is a bit of a glitch, but we'll work that out."
—Geoffrey Lewis as MIchael in DISTURBED (1991)

"OK, but a way to cut a budget it to cut it."
—TEENAGE CONFIDENTIAL (1990)

"The first rule is: never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are."
—Kris Kristofferson, MILLENNIUM (1989)

"They're coming to get you Barbara."
—NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)

"You guys think you're above the law. You're not above mine."
—Steven Seagal as Nico in ABOVE THE LAW (1987)

"There are several things in this world that you never mess with. One is another man's fries."
—Keith David, MEN AT WORK (1990)

"She's been around more in 20 years than the moon in its millions."
—BY LOVE POSSESSED (1961)

"Get than helmet off. We're talkin' to God."
—James Gammon, THE POM POM GIRLS (1976)

"This isn't the state of California. It's a state of madness."
—Robert Stack as Gen. Stilwell in 1941 (1979)

"That's my corn out there. You guys are guests in my corn."
—Kevin Costner, FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)

"One of them thought he was invincible. The other thought he could fly. They were both wrong."
—Steven Seagal, MARKED FOR DEATH (1990)

"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
—Lance Henriksen as Bishop in ALIENS (1986)

"As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gangster."
—Ray Liotta as Henry Hill in GOODFELLAS (1990)

"My mother just quietly and deliberately killed a man and ate him. That kinda blows all the old rules to hell, don'tcha think?
—Mark Thomas Miller, MOM (1991)

"Call her mad. Call her a monster. Just make sure you call her once a week"
—Video box copy for MOM (1991)

"Now that I see you in the light, you're plenty old enough to be Roy's mother."
—Annette Bening, THE GRIFTERS (1990)

"Ripley, if we ain't out of here in ten minutes, we won't need no rocket to ride through space."
—Yaphet Kotto, ALIEN (1986)

"Haven't I told you about death? It's nature's way of saying you're in the wrong job."
—Richard Harris, JUGGERNAUT (1974)

"You're terminated, fucker."
—Linda Hamilton, THE TERMINATOR (1984)

"It's like my English. Something gets lost in the translation."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE JAYNE MANSFIELD STORY (1980)

"Who do you think I am, Dirty Harry?"
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, RAW DEAL (1986)

"Grant me one request . . . revenge. And if you do not listen, to hell with you."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, CONAN (1982)

"I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE TERMINATOR (1984)

"I'll be back, Bennett."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, COMMANDO (1985)

"I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, THE RUNNING MAN (1987)

"If you're lying to me, I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, TWINS (1988)

"Wait here. I'll be back."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, TERMINATOR 2 (1991)

"You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last."
—Arnold Schwarzenneggar, COMMANDO (1985)

"OK people, relax. Loosen your sphincters. We don't need any rush hour Rambos here."
—Bill Paxton, PREDATOR 2 (1990)

"This is how I spent Christmas last year."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"It's OK, I've done this before."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"It's an old Sicilian message. It means Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes."
—THE GODFATHER

"I'm sorry, mistress, that you were not able to properly confess, but there just wasn't enough time to torture you."
—Jeffrey Combs as The Scribe in THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM (1991)

"There's gotta be a hundred reasons why I don't blow you away, but right now, I can't think of one."
—Clint Eastwood, THE ROOKIE (1991)

"Sometimes I feel like you're the child and I'm the grownup. I can't ever imagine being inside you. I can't imagine being anywhere you'd let me hang around for nine months."
—Wynona Ryder, MERMAIDS (1991)

"I wish I had trouble conceiving. I could get pregnant by hanging my clothes next to a man's suit."
—Cher, MERMAIDS (1991)

"This whole drug thing. It's not a black thing. It's not a white thing. It doesn't give a shit about color."
—Judd Nelson, NEW JACK CITY (1991)

"If hate were people, I'd be China."
Daniel Stern, CITY SLICKERS (1991)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin' glue."
—Lloyd Bridges, AIRPLANE (1980)

'Don't cry. Tears will cause thy wheels to rust."
—Marshall Goodman, ROLLERBLADE (1986)

"That's it! Candel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings. And call off Christmas!"
—Alan Rickman, ROBIN HOOD, PRINCE OF THIEVES (1991)

"This is Sara Waters, 409 Treemont. Come quickly. I've just killed an intruder."
—Julia Roberts, SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY (1991)

"You're not too smart are you. I like that in a man."
—Kathleen Turner, BODY HEAT (1981)

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."
—Kathleen Turner, WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988)

"The good news is, your dates are here. The bad news is, they're dead."
—Tom Atkins, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (1986)

"If you expect me to arrest you for murdering a man in your dream, well, the arrest'll have to happen in the dream too, because I'm off duty when I'm dreamin'. "
—Paul Kelly, FEAR IN THE NIGHT (1947)

"Get away from her, you BITCH!"
—SIgourney Weaver, ALIENS (1986)

"Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat."
—Roddy Piper, THEY LIVE (1988)

"I used to be an alcoholic, but now I just drink like an Irish person."
—Shirley Maclaine, POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE (1990)

"In this town, I'm the leper with the most fingers."
—Jack Nicholson, THE TWO JAKES (1990)

"That was more fun than eating cotton candy barefoot."
—Virginia Madsen, THE HOT SPOT (1990)

"Just the fax, ma'am."
—Bruce Willis, DIE HARD 2 (1990)

"I try not to get involved with women when the World Series is about to start, but for you I'll make an exception."
—Bob Hoskins, MERMAIDS (1991)

"I hate men. They're such jerks. They're so dumb. But I gotta find me one fast."
—Barbara Hershey, TUNE IN TOMORROW (1990)

"Listen, I appreciate this whole seduction scene you got going, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure bet."
—Julia Roberts, PRETTY WOMAN (1990)

"If every man had his way, every woman would lie down a prostitute and wake up a virgin."
—Angelica Huston, ENEMIES, A LOVE STORY (1990)

"How do you thank a gorilla for saving your life?"
—Tony Eisley, THE MIGHTY GORGA (1969)

"I'll do anything if it'll help me get rid of this face."
—A model, in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE (1960)

"You want to conduct peace negotiations with bugs?"
—Army staffer, in THE BEES (1978)

"You have to listen to what the bees have to say!"
—Angel Tompkins, THE BEES (1978)

"I'm going to be the first officer in U.S. history to get my butt kicked by a mess of bugs!"
—Richard Widmark, THE SWARM (1978)

"Because jobs for lady bacteriologists are not easy to find."
—Pamela Franklin, FOOD OF THE GODS (1976)

"You're too smart for me, baby. I like 'em stupid."
—CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON (1953)

"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots, or only five. I've kinda lost track myself. But being that this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful gun in the world, and would blow you're head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?"
—Clint Eastwood, DIRTY HARRY (1971)

"I am sick and tired of you little mama's boys coming in here every time you have an abrasion of a hand growing outta your back, or whatever."
—James Caan, THE DARK BACKWARD (1991)

"You got a cleanup on aisle four."
—Brian Bosworth, STONE COLD (1991)

"It's Linda Blairsville!"
—HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT 2

"Imagine the future chains. 'Cause you're not in it."
—Brian Bosworth, STONE COLD (1991)

"You know at a moment like this I think of my father's last words, which were 'don't son, that gun is loaded!'"
—Lance Henriksen, STONE COLD (1991)

"Why do I wanna talk to some bloodsucking lawyer. He tied his sister buck naked to a lawnmower and sold tickets to watch him mow the lawn."
—William Petersen, HARD PROMISES (1991)

"I bet his ass was shakin' like a dog shittin' peach pits."
—Minor Mustain, SNAKEEATER III (1991)

"People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you."
—Police chief to Clint Eastwood, SUDDEN IMPACT (1983)

"Hurting people's not a good thing. Well, sometimes it is, but not when it's a bunch of people looking for something to eat."
—Sylvester Stallone, DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

"You're part of this. Whatever THIS is. You're part of it."
—Zoe Trilling, TOBE HOOPER'S NIGHT TERRORS

"Oooh, I do like a bit of gorgonzola!"
—Wallace, THE WRONG TROUSERS

"Funny, the world is so different in the daylight. But in the dark your fantasies get so out of hand. In the daylight, everything falls back into place again. Let's have no more nights."
—Candace Hilligoss, CARNIVAL OF SOULS

"I can't be left alone."
—Candace Hilligoss, CARNIVAL OF SOULS

"You happy now? No more anchovies."
—Terri Treas, after fighting a killer pizza, in HOUSE IV

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."
—Harvey Keitel as Mr. White, RESERVOIR DOGS (1991)

"It's not the Russians. It's Rumblerama!"
—John Goodman, MATINEE (1993)

"I dont get this. It's just a big big. Guns? Cannons? Rockets? It's just a bug!"
—The Scientist in MANT, from MATINEE (1993)

"I'm gonna rip their guts so far outta their bodies they're gonna need a passport to take a shit."
—Vincent Pastore as Tony Scarboni, THE JERKY BOYS (1995)

SS HELL PACK TRIPLE FEATURE: Lest we forget the horrors of Nazi Germa -- hey, nice rack!

Trailer for SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP

Three tedious Nazisploitation efforts, each largely indistinguishable from the vast majority of pictures in this genre.

SS GIRLS (1977), a SALON KITTY knockoff from the feeble mind of Bruno Mattei, is set in a secluded mansion wherein a crazy and debauched Nazi commander (Gabriele Carrara) employs prostitutes--each highly trained in ballet, weightlifting, fencing, gunplay and schtupping the spectrum of physically disgusting men--to lure unsuspecting Nazi traitors to their doom. The nudity quotient is high but the sex scenes, not unlike most of the male participants involved in them, are flabby, unrealistic and repetitive. And then there's some unpleasant business between a whore and a severely deformed man that, had this not been directed by one of the worst Italian directors of all time, would surely have engendered ill will. But with Mattei, it's tough not to have anything BUT ill will toward virtually everything he's ever done, so I suppose exploitation of the diseased should come as no surprise. The film is by design rather low on the torture and "cruelty" one associates with this genre, with even the mass suicide ending--which at last releases us from the company of these ridiculously smarmy actors--almost completely devoid of blood. In an interview included on the disc, Mattei reveals that he hates watching nearly all of his own films because he always sees many things he could have done better with more time and money. One would think that a director who worked extensively (and repeatedly) on low budgets and tight schedules would certainly not hurt for ingenuity, or style, as often as Mattei has, but such was not the case, if his long, depressing trail of visually ugly and sloppily plotted exploitationers is any indication.

Moving up a rung on the ladder of quality--arguably a lateral step, really, as the production value isn't much better--is Sergio Garrone's SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP (1976), a once-notorious "video nasty" in England which features more full frontal nudity and butcher-meat-laced cruelty than the Mattei picture, though the romantic couplings are again rather uninvolving despite their showcasing far more attractive performers of both sexes. In this camp, ladies not chosen to improve the German race through ridiculous sex experiments are instead deemed fit for ridiculous medical experiments. (Garrone was known to do research for his films, so in all likelihood his onscreen experiments also happened in real life, and were equally as pointless) The film's key plot device--and arguably it's wildest asset--involves the camp commandant's desire for a new pair of testicles with which he can get a proper leg over for Der Fuhrer's greater glory, items duly (and seemingly unwittingly) removed from one of his officers. When good guy Helmut discovers he's a nut-free by-product of the Nazi machine just before mounting his love camp lovely, he races naked throughout the compound until he finds the duplicitous Colonel von Kleiben (Giorgio Cerioni, who looks very much like one of the puppets on Gerry Anderson's THUNDERBIRDS), furiously demanding to know "what have you been doing with my balls!?!" before inciting an all-out riot. Still, it's decidedly a case of parts surpassing the whole, as it tends to be with Nazi pictures that don't star Dyanne Thorne in a lead role.

The set concludes with Sergio Garrone's SS CAMP: WOMEN'S HELL, actually known as (and ID'd onscreen as) SS CAMP 5: WOMEN'S HELL. Exploitation Digital's sleeve for this dates it to 1977, though it's obvious Garrone shot it at the same time as SS EXPERIMENT LOVE CAMP using the same locations and most of the same cast in different roles. Garrone admits as much in the accompanying interview, and the comparatively stronger plotting, acting and action elements on offer suggest this was actually the first of the two pictures completed. Thanks to its meatier scenes of torture and medical experimentation, WOMEN'S HELL ventures closer to being a "video nasty" than LOVE CAMP, but then as now, it's tame stuff, notable mainly for introducing a Pam Grier blaxploitation vibe in the form of Rita Manna as the cunning Jamaican whore Alina, who takes advantage of besotted camp commandant Col. Strasser (Giorgio Cerioni, again sporting a THUNDERBIRDS coiffure and the plastic complexion to match) to plot the bullet-riddled liberation of her fellow prostitutes. Again, Garrone's superficial research informs the film's scenes of cruelty and degradation--including a cheap-but-effective optical that allows dead bodies to jerk and twitch in the camp's ovens (a trick used several times in LOVE CAMP as well)--but the vintage newsreel footage of actual Jews being stripped of their belongings and their lives sits uncomfortably amidst all the gratuitous boobs and beaver on display. But this was Italy in the 70's: "anything goes" was the cinematic order of the day, but cheap moralizing in a film such as this is offensive.

Thankfully, this thematically-challenged genre wasted away on the merits of films such as those included in this set. They're worth watching if you're new to the genre and want to see three average examples at a budget price rather than getting burned on the individual releases (which each cost nearly as much as this triple feature), but there are better examples out there, most notably ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS. Extras on each disc include an interview with the respective director (running 10-15 minutes), meager still galleries, and selections of trailers, including some for other Nazisploitation titles.

THE MIDNIGHT MOVIES COLLECTION, VOL. 2: Steckler's dark period

Once you watch this trailer for BLOOD SHACK, you won't need to watch the film. In fact, you'll be lucky if you make it through the trailer.

THE MIDNIGHT MOVIES COLLECTION VOL. 2
D: Ray Dennis Steckler
Exploitation Digital/Guilty Pleasures/Media Blasters

Four excretions from the bowels of Ray Dennis Steckler comprise this collection, and one wonders if Guilty Pleasures/Exploitation Digital was contractually obligated to release these in order to get their hands on the superior, better known Steckler opuses (comparatively speaking) in their first Midnight Movies Collection box set. These four films pretty much exemplify the dismal, indifferent remainder of Steckler's "career", at least that part of it during in which he wasn't cranking out pornography. Having viewed the four films in the first MIDNIGHT MOVIES collection, I was compelled to discover what came afterwards. It wasn't pretty.

The most famous "title" in this package is probably THE HOLLYWOOD STRANGLER MEETS THE SKID ROW SLASHER (1979), a wonderful moniker fronting a woeful production shot on the sly on seedy Hollywood locales. Steckler's real-ife housepainter (and a veteran of two dismal Charles Nizet efforts), Pierre Agostino, plays the Strangler, while his wife and regular leading lady, the alluringly paralytic Carolyn Brandt, plays the Slasher. Agostino poses as a photographer and slices up nudie models he picks up in the Hollywood sex papers. Brandt despises the winos who blight the porn-theatre infested neighbourhood in which she has oddly chosen to run a used bookshop and slashes their throats in her off hours. These lethargic "maniacs" never speak, either to each other or to anyone else in the cast, because Steckler was too cheap to rent sound equipment for the picture. When dialogue exchanges are required, he instead utilizes the time-honoured Wishman Method of having one character speak their dialogue while another character is onscreen. This, of course, allowed Steckler to loop in whatever dialogue he deemed appropriate, but since he evidently didn't have a script, the whole thing sounds ad libbed. Poorly. Often by Steckler himself! ("Diiiiieeeee Gaaaarrrrbage, Diiiieeeee") Eventually, these two will meet, but only after Steckler repeats their boring and predictable killing routines ad nauseam. On the plus side, there's plenty of breastage on display from a parade of what are presumably real-life prostitutes from the Hollywood sex papers, and Steckler's modest talents as a cinematographer ensure that his images actually registered on the film stock in a reasonably pleasing manner.

An older, paunchier, and rather sad-looking Agostino reprises his role as Hollywood Strangler Jonathan Klick in THE LAS VEGAS SERIAL KILLER (1986). Thanks to Steckler's ongoing resistance to recording actual sound (which, like the plot, was added in post), the brightest city on earth is also the quietest as Agostino, his character free on a technicality because they never found the bodies of his victims in HOLLYWOOD STRANGLER (!), mopes around Vegas with his camera, crashing creepy "celebrity" parties and looking for fresh meat when he's not working at a pizza joint decorated with posters from Steckler's movies (of course!) and banging the occasional panty-clad delivery customer who apparently can't resist a little pepperoni on the side. By this time, even Carolyn Brandt wouldn't appear in a Steckler film--and this was a woman who appeared in virtually nothing but Steckler films her entire career--so for balance Steckler has a couple of yahoos hit the strip for a little purse snatching and armed robbery, then has them cross paths with the killer Klick in the final moments of the film, in what Steckler presumably thought was a delicious twist of irony but which is actually just lame. As with any Steckler picture, the viewer is subjected copious amounts of padding, including strolls around tourist attractions, down city streets, and even a through a parade, sequences which have nothing to do with the story. As a time capsule of Vegas before the monoliths hit town, this stuff has value. As filmmaking, it's a last ditch effort by a seriously washed-up filmmaker to squeeze a few bucks out of both his own name and the poor souls who would spend their money on it. Like me.

Venturing further back in time, we come to 1971's BLOOD SHACK (aka THE CHOOPER), a gritty, ugly-looking "horror" effort shot in the middle of nowhere (with live sound!) and heavily padded with rodeo stock footage just so it can wheeze toward a one-hour running time. The story concerns a "famous" horror movie actress (Carolyn Brandt, playing herself, supposedly) who inherits a desolate, dilapidated ranch haunted by an evil Native American spirit known as the Chooper. The house and the stained mattress within represent the only real "production value" in the entire film outside of Carolyn Brandt's pants and a few half-customized jalopies driven by various cast members. It's not spoiling anything to reveal that the Chooper, which appears at regular intervals to scare and/or kill people, is not a real spirit at all, but someone with a grudge against the leading lady (so small is the principal cast, you'll figure it out in the first ten minutes). The get-up on this "creature"--plush brown PJs and a ridiculous mask) must truly be seen to be believed. This DVD also contains a "director's cut" of the movie that runs about ten minutes longer than the theatrical version: advisable only if you're a fan of Steckler's unique brand of padding.


Trailer for BODY FEVER.

Finally we have BODY FEVER, presented here under its alternate title SUPER COOL (I'm not sure why the packaging differs), a 1969 detective thriller that, owing to it's chronological proximity to the better films in Steckler's oeuvre (namely, the four films included in the other Midnight Movies box: RAT PHINK A BOO BOO, THE LEMON GROVE KIDS, THE THRILL KILLERS and THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES yadda yadda yadda), actually manages to be modestly entertaining on a typically Stecklerian budget. It even features live sound, to boot! Steckler plays a P.I. wading through an underworld of sleazeballs to track down a sexy thief who absconded with a bag full of mob heroin. Once he finds her, they fall in love, and run through a park tossing the bag of heroin between them like smitten schoolchildren before ultimately facing the drug kingpin himself. There's a charm in this film that would never be seen again in a Steckler feature, and it compensates for the fact that much of the film was shot in and around Steckler's house. The film may be best remembered for Steckler's charity to the seriously down-and-out director/actor Coleman Francis, a Hollywood fringe dweller (and cast member in Steckler's LEMON GROVE KIDS and narrator of his THRILL KILLERS) who was literally found drunk on the street by Steckler and offered a few bucks to clean up and play a rather touching scene in a bankrupt laundromat. Short of a bit part in BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS the following year, Francis would never again work on or in film, and would be found dead in his car in 1973.

Each DVD in this set qualifies, more or less, as a special edition, with trailers, interviews with Steckler and Brandt, and commentaries from Steckler on all four features, though these are of questionable value as he provides perhaps 5% insight and 95% narration, and if you've seen a Steckler film, you know the last thing any of them need is narration. The best extras of all are the commentaries on HOLLYWOOD STRANGLER and BLOOD SHACK by drive-in movie scholar Joe Bob Briggs, who seems to know far more about the films than Steckler (!), and has a whale of a time trying to help us understand just how they ever got made, let alone released. Briggs' participation alone makes these two discs worth keeping, since they're much more tolerable in his company. Without it, the whole box would basically be a write-off to all but the most die-hard Steckler aficionados, despite the good-natured participation of Steckler and Brandt in the supplemental features. Of course, at this price, and even moreso when it turns up in various online discount sales, it's a far better value than buying any of these titles on their own.